The Everlasting Hill's

Feelin' Bloggy

2012-02-01T22:17:00.000-07:00

Just a few things we need to talk about-

GOP nominee related

1. I have a crush on Ron Paul. Okay, maybe crush is the wrong word. If I needed to avenge mymurdered father, he would be my Rooster Cogburn. But also I have a crush onhim.

2. Newt Gingrich is a big baby and not in an I-want-to-bite-his-big-flabby-facekind of way.

3. If Romney wants to sing in public, I'm sure he can afford to have James Taylor sing back up. Actually, he can't afford not to.

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

James Taylor & Stephen Colbert - "Carolina in My Mind"

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor & Satire Blog

Video Archive

Store brand products related-

1. Tell me some items you just can't stomach using store brands?
2. Here's two of mine: toothpaste, rotisserie chicken
3. My dad's olive oil, jeans and ibuprofen are the same brand*.
*Kirkland Signature

YouTube videos with bulldogs learning to walk in them related-

1. The white bulldog looks and moves just like Frances. (In a good way)

Cody is great related-

1. I love Cody. He's been at school all day and now he is at work until late. I've been eating chocolate chip cookies all day and now my babies are asleep so I'm blogging. Sure, kids are tough, but never have I thought, "I'd rather be in school right now." Work is another story. There are plenty of times a day when I would rather be back at work.
2. At restaurants, Cody always tells me to order two things I want and he eats half of both.
3. We only fight about Basil.
4. You should really see us fight about Basil! (Cody believes in discipline while I believe in dispensing unmerited, bacon rewards and coddling.) I think dachshunds are the third* most stressful part of any marriage. (one and two being otters and raccoons.)

Claudius Photo booth related-

1. I didn't take this photo. Cody didn't either.

Gabba Gabba Hey!

2012-01-28T15:58:00.000-07:00

Who loves Yo Gabba Gabba!? We do. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a polygamist relationship and YGG is the fun sister wife who watches my kids while I'm in the shower or ~~asleep holding my Kindle Fire~~ doing dishes. Obviously, I'm the hot, first wife, but I'm glad she's there even if I do have the occasional fit of jealousy. Claudy and I know and love all the songs and we sing them exhaustively. If you or any of your children under the age of 98 don't watch Gabba, for shame. I SAID FOR SHAME! Back in November, Brobee-in-law, Ben hooked us up with tickets to YGG live and we had the time of our lives.

Claudy at intermission. His hair was flat before the show but was later blown into stylish bed head by the sheer power of Gabba.

Muno shoes! We thought he looked pretty snazzy until we got there and every kid looked like over decorated Gabba trees. Simplicity is the new elegance, kids. Don't let your moms bully you into over accessorizing.

Ben also got us into the swingin' after party. Claudy was in toddler heaven. Cody and I were in filling-up-our-pockets-and-bags-with-free-snacks heaven. Have you ever tried freeze dried yogurt? It's gross and I don't recommend that you do but that doesn't mean we haven't been eating it in church for the past three months.

Don't let character bullying happen to your child.

He couldn't help himself.

Mr. Personality on the right there was hired to make sure the kids didn't have too much fun. He was a pro. I can't even tell you how many times he told Claudy to stop biting other kids. Let him be little, man. (I should mention that even though we know and love all the Gabba songs, some of the messages have yet to sink in.)

For me, this moment would be like meeting Snape, John Hodgman or Michael Bolton. *Sigh* Someday.

Leslie Hall is my favorite. And DJ Lance is always the charmer.

Here's Cody seriously considering dropping out of school to join Biz Markie's entourage. Who could blame him?

Claudy loved beatboxing with with Biz and was thrilled by all the applause that wasn't even remotely for him.

Hmm. Maybe we should have saved ourselves the trouble of going to SLC and just bought Claudy a bag of balloons. Nah. Then I would have gotten one of those blowing-up-fifty-balloons headaches and I hate those.

Cody, Claudius and Gordon B. Hinckley were sad to leave. Actually, it looks like Cody was excited and GBH was wondering why he was stenciled on a waffle shirt. One time I wore this shirt somewhere while holding Frances and a lady kindly whispered to me that my baby had thrown up on my shoulder. Isn't that special? We love GBH even if our homemade crafts don't represent. Peace, love and Gabba, my friends.

Mr. Manager

2011-10-27T19:13:00.000-06:00

My dad has a new job. From what I hear, he was fired from his old one for having too many campus parking tickets. Now he works in the MoA.

Here's a picture of some art and my dad lecturing in front of it. Gross. It's too bad he won't be teaching much anymore because we loved reading his reviews on ratemyprofessor.com. My favorite review: "He looks like Uncle Buck."

As you can see, we Maglekids love museums.

Here's Rob enjoying the majesty of the Louvre.

Good luck with the new job, Dad. If you need any ideas for exhibits, give me a call. I have a few.

Under the Radar

2011-10-27T16:14:00.000-06:00

I have a good reason why I haven't blogged lately and it's not what you're thinking. That is, unless what you were thinking was that Toddlers and Tiaras is now on Netflix watch instant. Then you would be correct.

Remember Frances? Yeah, sometimes we forget about her, too. She's sweet and chill and smiley until around 6 pm when she screams until 9 pm. I guess that's her "thing." We really do love her but Claudy is so much more demanding that she doesn't always get the attention she would like. You know what, though? Growing up under the radar has its advantages. I know because I was the girl, second child, born to a family still crazy about wonder-boy-child-number-one. Seriously, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Being the center of your parents attention is for the dachshunds. I thrived under zero expectations.

This is Frances' birth announcement photo. Claudius loves to photobomb but, as you can see, he hasn't quite grasped all the subtle nuances involved with quickly jumping in the back of someone else's picture. You can kind of see part of Frances' head over Claudy's shoulder. Perhaps I should just skip it and save the postage money. Maybe I'll put it in Frances' college fund. Or maybe I will go to Del Taco.

Possible Nursery Decor

2011-08-18T00:16:00.000-06:00

I did not make her cry for these.

What's Crackin' East Provo!

2011-08-11T12:23:00.003-06:00

It has been kind of busy around here because we moved and we have two kids now and we have little to no idea how to handle them. Seriously. And one of them can't even move. Still overwhelming. Just the other day, I thought about going to the grocery store by myself, with the babies and just thinking that I COULD do it made me feel proud and excited. I didn't go, but the thought was magical. What did I do instead? I let Claudius draw all over our stuff while I fed Frances and cheered for him. I'm a fun mom!

This photo somewhat accurately summarizes our life right now: Cody at work/school, Claudy sitting in Frances' bouncer even though he's too big for it and me all crazy eyed and mouth agape while holding a dazed and confused infant. We live in BYU housing (again) and since Cody works and goes to school here, I now have a car. Feel free to leave a comment about what you do with your car during the day. I need some ideas. So far I've only thought about using it.

Oh, and if you were wondering how Claudy feels about Frances, here's a video. Spoiler alert: Not his favorite person.

Frances Dámaris Hill

2011-07-11T18:44:00.000-06:00

Oh my gosh! I had another baby. Doesn't it seem like I just had one? Seriously though, I kind of just did like 16 months ago. Normally, I wouldn't have had another one so soon but as a full-time, stay-in-my-apartment-all-day-alone-without-a-real-job-mother it seemed like a good idea. Children are my excuse for zero ambition. Hmm, it seems like we're all saying a lot of things we can't take back. Moving on.

Here's Claudius and me the night before the big day. I don't remember what we were smiling at because my "baby center" has taken so much blood away from my brain.

At the hospital, I labored 100% natural for the entire time we were checking in. This is a picture of the inspirational message board I got to stare at in the delivery room. Cody was in charge of updating it with appropriate and helpful slogans. I found his "Not Penny's boat!" much more uplifting than nurse Amanda's "Happy Birthday, Baby" rubbish.

Welcome, newest Magleby! Meet my dad's new iPad. It is amazing the difference this little guy has already made in our lives. I can't imagine life without him.

And here's Frances. She's great, too. Her favorites include sleeping and nothing else. We are grateful for the good choices she is already making.

Frances's middle name is Dámaris. I named her after this beloved mission companion who was really good at bullying me into things like, "Hey, let's name our first born daughters after each other!" and "Let's use two month's worth of food money to buy designer raincoats!" She lives in Spain and we miss her wild personality and crippling fear of birds. (This photo was taken on the fourth of July and it was freezing outside. Germany is fun that way. Also, those are not our babies. Germany is fun that way.)

This is Maximilian Robison Magleby. He was born the day before Frances. The cool thing about Max is that what he lacks in body weight, he makes up for with hair. Cute story: Max's dad, Rob, got a speeding ticket, on Father's Day, going 24 MPH on Center Street, after leaving church to visit his newborn son in the NICU. Precious, right?

Max and Frances hang out a lot because we make them and they are babies and can't move. Max always looks cute and Frances always looks like she is wearing Magneto's helmet.

I've always thought of myself as an above average mother, but until this article, I didn't know why.

Sleepy babies. We don't have a baby monitor but Basil is always lurking nearby in case one of them was to drop a treat. (Basil has learned to be near Claudius because of his walking-graham-cracker- dispenser tendencies.)

Four generations of smile fail. Okay, Grandma Knell looks sincere. The rest of us need some happy thoughts.

Welcome to the blog, little Frances!

What's Hot DJ Vrooomba?

2011-05-31T10:08:00.002-06:00

Easter baskets are great because you get presents from your parents but you don't have to give presents in return. Marriage added a second Easter basket each year from Cody, along with now three awkward mornings of "Oh, are we doing that? Then for your Easter basket I will do all the ironing or something." The joke is on Cody, though because I don't think we have an iron. This year I decided to super mom it up and MADE Claudius an Easter present. This was a big step for me because I'm not crafty and my favorite thing about babies is that you don't need to buy them presents.

Meet DJ Vroomba. He's Claudy's new robotic, mp3 player, based loosely, if not entirely, on Cody's favorite character from Parks and Rec. If you would like to make one for yourself, all you need is an old iPod (preferably one that has been through the washer and now only plays Dolly Parton's 9 to 5,) some battery powered speakers, scotch tape and your favorite toy car. Honestly, if I had known how easy crafting could be, I might have tried it sooner.

Come back soon for some exciting news. And by exciting news I mean a post about Basil with his head stuck in things. Here's a sneak peak:

Oh my gosh! I just thought of another craft . . . dog helmets made from baby toys. Pure craftiness.

P.S. Basil is terrified of DJ Vroomba. Or maybe Dolly Parton. One or the other causes him to get his head stuck in things while trying to hide.

Sheep Go to Heaven, Goats Smell Bad

2011-04-19T01:47:00.003-06:00

I think we all have a mental list of things our parents did/do that we have no intention of perpetuating. Over the years, my list has continued to shorten but there are a few things on it that I consider set in stone. Letting my child wear bags on his feet instead of boots was one of them. Now I'm not so sure.

You see, we have these goats in our backyard and whenever they bleat, Claudius thinks he needs to go outside and see them. The day I forced him to wear bags instead of shoes was rainy and his only shoes were in Cody's car. All it took was three crying goats and one crying baby to rid me of all my high class, shoe-wearing morals.

Growing up, I usually looked like some variation of this: Sweat pants, bags on feet instead of snow boots, and no notion that there was anything wrong with it. For those of you who haven't experienced an early morning paper route during an Ohio winter, know that bags on feet inside of tennis shoes are only better than snow boots if your goal is to keep your frostbite from getting freezer burn.

Claudy didn't seem to care, but then he's never done a day of hard work in his life. I think it's time we got him a paper route. Does Utah even have a newspaper? I've never heard of anyone having a paper route here. Back in the day, they were the skinny jeans/cupcake shops of Ohio.

Claudy, Goat #1 and Rob's hand. Andy and Tristan were there, too. I think this was taken as they were filling up a bucket with beer to get one of the goats all messed up.

Here are just a few more gems on the list of things my lovely parents did/do that I just can't support. Yet.

~Show up at their child's school during lunch, in paper route clothes (ripped sweat pants, Columbus Dispatch paper bag, various, unidentifiable rags) and beg for bites of his or her free, school lunch.

~Not stop praying, out loud, in San Francisco hotel elevators even when we are on the fifteenth floor and another hotel patron joins us on the fourteenth floor and has to ride thirteen floors to the lobby with a family of zealots.

~Have family prayer in hotel elevators in the first place.

~Mail our dead pets to and from Ohio and Utah for burial. (Sorry Frost's and Grandma)

~Hide pet rats on my dad's person to avoid paying those ridiculous, airline, pet transportation fees when traveling.

P.S. Both of my parents just turned 50. If you would like to get them something, I know they love square pizza, tater tots and chocolate milk. You might have to open the milk for them.

"If you have a crown, you have a voice."

2011-03-25T17:16:00.002-06:00

Normally I don't pay much attention to the sidebar ads on Facebook, but this one just wouldn't let me not click on it and spend way too much time planning out my future. Should I go for it? According to the women in the video below, you don't need a talent (check!) and it's more than just having a kid and wearing fake eyelashes (double check!)

You may have noticed that the FAQ section of the site is blank. I can't imagine why as I'm sure you all have some questions. I know I do. For example:

Pink Dress "Tom boy" Chick- Why didn’t you wash the massacre off in the shower? Isn't that why women take showers? Makeup remover is expensive, girl. Do yourself a favor and Irish Spring that junk off.

Girl with the Wannabe Dragon Tattoo on Her Face- Did you do that all by yourself? Maybe you didn't hear that talents have no part in this competition. Stop making the rest of us look bad.

Dark Red Gloves Lady- Do you have terrible eczema on your hands too? I wasn't sure if I could compete until I saw your joker gloves. We eczema girls need to stick together. Let's high five softly at the next pageant. I'll bring the cortisone! (I seriously do have terrible eczema and if Red Gloves really has it then I am sorry for her and her family. Sometimes I cry.)

And on that sad note, wish me luck!

Dog Ultrasounds: Not in Our Budget

2011-02-23T10:01:00.001-07:00

We have news. A few months ago, Cody and I reached one of those points in our lives where we needed to either get another dachshund or have another baby. I voted dachshund because I'm crazy about the baby we already have but then I remembered how I'm crazy about the dachshund we already have too. Either way, it was a win-win-win. We all win. Even you! Yes, Basil is pregnant*. And all this time we thought he was a dude. Also, I'm due around June 19th.

We didn't find out its gender because we liked being surprised with Claudy (and Basil, two years late) but as you can see from the ultrasound, Hillglebaby looks exactly like Claudius. Definitely a boy. Although, it is already wearing a hair bow. So maybe a girl. But who even cares. Babies and puppies are fun!

*Basil may just be getting fat. Claudy loves to feed him treats and Basil loves to be fed treats.

PARTIES ARE FOR BABIES

2011-01-26T21:04:00.003-07:00

Hey internets, Claudius recently turned one and we had a party for him. Here's how it went down. About a week before, I told my mom I wanted her to throw a party for Claudy and that she could do whatever she wanted as long as it was a toga party and that there would be hummus and olives and that I wouldn't have to do anything. For the most part, she pulled it off. I did have to make laurel wreath head gear for a few people but she paid for the supplies and I never finished making them. Guests had the option of hot gluing their own if they felt like it. See what I did there? Unplanned, birthday party craft!

Some people chose to abuse the wreath making station. By the end of the night, Basil was covered in hot glue and chips.

I also helped with the pre-party photo shoot by shaking cell phones, keys and dachshunds at Claudy so he would smile while my mom did her thing. She just got a new camera and was still learning how to use it. Normally, this would have been fine with me but she wouldn't let me use any of my favorite photos because they were blurry. If she had just done a practice photo shoot with Basil, like I asked, this wouldn't have happened. But she never does what I say. Well, sometimes she does parties that I say.

Basil loves it when my mom takes pictures of Claudy because she talks in the happy, high-pitched voice she used to use for him when he was a good boy. Poor Basil. For him, Claudy's birthday marks one full year of being ignored by my mom.

Droid. They say it's better than the iPhone but my dad complains that it just doesn't feel as cool.

Did you notice Claudy's outfit? My mom handed my dad a white pillowcase and told him to make Claudy a toga. So he ripped out one of the seems and sewed one. Then my mom got upset with him because he ruined the pillowcase. "Love, it seems like only yesterday you were just a child at play..."

The party ended up being a lot of fun. The theme was "FOOD" because that's really the only thing Claudy cares about. I was happy so many of my uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents could make it on such short notice. Perhaps they didn't make any plans because they knew a baby, who didn't even know it was his birthday, was turning one and would probably need their support.

Here's the birthday boy with my mom. Not pictured: Basil who was whimpering at their feet.

Those used to be pictures of me. All of them. I pretend I don't care because I need unlimited free babysitting. Secretly, I whimper with Basil.

My parents made a Nutella tort because they wanted to find out if Claudy was allergic to nuts in front of lots of people. We still don't know if he is, though because after we blew out the candle, I let him touch the ice cream and then I ate his piece. It wasn't that I didn't want him to try the tort; I just didn't want to clean him up after. I'm mean. And the tort was delicious.

Here's my dad, cooling off one of the soups for his favorite grandchild. If only Basil cared for his attentions.

We gave Claudy his last bottle ever right before the party, but he didn't finish it. My dad, who is always looking out for Basil, thought it would be nice for him to have the rest.

Here's Claudy with his first cousin, once removed, Cecily. She was born two days after Claudy so they're kind of BFF (Biologically forced friends.) But really they're not sure why we're always taking their picture together when there is obviously no chemistry.

Claudius only wore his toga for an hour and then changed into his default, Sharky Tenenbaum outfit.

Happy one year of not being contacted by Child Protective Services to us!

Welcome to toddlerhood, Claudius. It's like middle school, but for babies.

An LOTR Christmas

2011-01-12T11:21:00.000-07:00

Can we still talk about Christmas? I know the stores have moved on to Valentine's Day, but I listen to Christmas music until September 30th* so I'm still feeling it. How 'bout those Chipmunks? They can really make any Christmas song special. We spent Christmas in California and it was joyful and triumphant.

*I stop in October so I can listen to "Thriller" and then I start back up with KOSY 106.5 on November 1st. People who listen to Christmas music as early as October have no respect for Halloween.

The drive down was slow and snowy, but we didn't mind because I stopped at the Provo Library on our way out of town and picked up the entire LOTR trilogy, unabridged, on tape. Fellowship was 21 hours long so we didn't even need the other two, but I felt safe knowing they were there, behind my seat, taking up the space of a large cooler. Do you have any idea how much space is needed for 55 hours of cassette tape? I just told you. Large cooler. This photo was taken after being completely stopped on the road for 30 minutes. People were outside their cars making snowmen so I finally agreed with Cody, (who wanted to get Claudy out after two minutes) that we should let the baby stretch. "And a Britney song was on!" It was a party on the I-15.

Because of the weather, we made it to Orange County a day later than planned. Because of LOTR tapes, we got to hear Gimli sing about Dwarf mines for 20 minutes straight. Some parts were, of course, better than others.

Normally, I'm not a fan of sunshine but the weather was surprisingly fun to be around. I got to see what Claudius looks like in natural light (squinty and pale) and we got to take Gus out for walks. They were magical.

Claudy didn't understand the concept of Gus. We explained that he was just like Basil. The only difference is that when Basil licks your cheek, you don't need new contact lenses.

On our way to the beach, we stopped at the Rainbow Outlet to get some sandals for Rob. I told Cody I hoped they would have baby Rainbows so we could get some for Claudy. They did, AND they even fit his chubby feet.

They were also forty dollars (the same price as a men's 13. Yes, Rob, your birthday present cost me forty dollars. Tacky? Yes. But I wanted you to know) so we took a picture and put them back. The whole point of Rainbows is that they last forever and the whole point of baby feet is that they don't. But seriously, how cute are those shoes? And those fat pads? They are totally burning a week longer at doomsday.

At the beach, Claudy enjoyed himself far more than last time. I think this was because he figured out how to eat sand.

And rocks.

Before we left, my parents gave Claudius his first ornament. It's a sparkly, glass raptor. Here's a list of things raptors and Claudius have in common:

1. Poor upper body strength
2. Can open doors (but only the Jurassic Park kitchen kind)
3. Toothy smiles
4. Fondness for other people's children.

Claudy is grateful for loving grandparents who fill his world with fear and glitter.

Christmas Eve Sushi! I approve of this tradition. It might be why I married Cody. Or was it for his Joseph Smith nose? I can't remember.

Christmas morning with the cousins: Ruby seems to be the only one on board with the magic of Christmas. Lulu seems to be upset by the early morning photo shoot and Claudy can't figure out why he is awake but not eating.

Santa forgot to get anything for Claudy's stocking, so he just took some stuff from Cody's and hooked a baby up.

I told Rob and Tristan to get Claudy his first Star Wars toy. They got him this little cutie. If I remember correctly, she is Jabba's mistress and has had a hard life. Sometimes when you tell people to do things, it backfires. If Claudy decides to be into Star Wars now, it's going to be weird.

Here's Claudy with the nicest car he's ever been in the same state with. I'm no good at figuring out car years so let's say it's an '85 Rolls Royce. It had a handicap sticker and the interior was overly padded so I'm assuming it belongs to Mr. Glass. I'm glad Bosch was willing to take a chance on him.

You know those cute videos of babies eating lemons where their faces get all scrunched up? I love those. I do. I wanted one of Claudy. Instead of a cute video, we discovered that he's weird. But you know what? Your kids are messed up too.

"Special Christmas Thank You Shout Outs" go to:

The Bringhurst Family for letting us crash the night in Hurricane so we wouldn't crash the car in Mesquite. As always, you are a welcomed delay.

Uncle-Brother-in-law Michael Moore for the best stack of Christmas loot since ever. I should have been embarrassed by how many more presents I got than everybody else but I just love presents so much that I didn't care. Thank you for your love and understanding of awesome gifts.

Santa for nothing. You are the worst. This is the first year, since being married, I have really understood that if I want presents from Santa on Christmas morning, I have to buy them and put my name on them. Next Christmas, I'm going to Santa-present my brains out. I can't wait.

Gail and Jimbo for an amazing week of holiday food, fun and car maintenance. It seems like you get our 4-runner's name for Christmas every year.

Merry Christmas, everyone! And "May the hair on your toes never fall out!"

It's the Power to Win!

2010-12-05T15:12:00.001-07:00

Today at church, our goal was to keep Claudius in our row of the chapel, for the entire sacrament meeting. It was awful for everyone involved, but it was time. We used plenty of cheap tricks, but the breakthrough happened when Cody brought out this picture of Noah and asked the timeless question, "How big's the baby?"

Claudy and Noah both answered correctly*.

Please enjoy this forced reenactment.

*"Sooooooo big!"

Halloween Times

2010-11-09T12:23:00.008-07:00

I've been waiting to blog about Halloween until some photos of Claudy wearing pants surfaced, but I'm beginning to doubt their existence. He did have pants. Black tights, actually. And little, furry boots. Are you picturing it all in your head? Don't read on until you do. Claudy was a gnome. His auntie Tristan made his costume and I am more in love with that hat than I am with Basil. Happily, Tristan made Basil one too, and he thought all the praise I was giving it was directed at him. She's always thinking ahead, that Tristleby.

He's making a wish on himself! (Gnome dogs are lucky.)

I was a not-so-fantastic fox. The K is for pep. Even though it looks like I had absolutely no help making my costume, I did. My dad made my mask and my mom made my sign. I dressed myself.

Cody was the ever fabulous, Quailman. I don't have a photo of him with pants on either. Actually, it was my job to buy him some y-front, white underwear to wear over his shorts and I forgot. To make amends, I drew a y-front on some of my underwear and let him wear them. And that's love.

Tristan was a Jellyfish and Rob was a boy Jellyfish. Matching costumes are so cute.

Rob made his costume out of duct tape and spells.

Claudy won the "Only baby in the world to keep a costume beard on for five hours straight" award. We're so proud.

Basil won "Most likely to succeed." What does that even mean? Maybe the judges meant, "secede." Or maybe the judges weren't real and Basil has never won anything in his life. And he never will.

Don't you wish this little guy would egg your house?

Knees like biscuit dough. It's only cute on him.

At first, we used double stick tape but the beard wouldn't hold.

Then we brought out the big guns. The poster tape didn't have a suggested age group listed so we're assuming it's nine months and up.

Don't hate us. Our life only looks perfect.

Blaby's Blirst Blaircut

2010-10-13T11:26:00.000-06:00

Claudy's hair is getting too long. I know shaggy hair is cool right now, but Claudy and I don't have to worry about being in style. Since I don't have a car, we often go days without seeing anyone but Cody. What am I wearing right now, you ask? I'm not telling but it rhymes with blirrup blants and a bloncho.

On the one hand, shorter hair might draw more attention to his fabulously large head.

On the other hand, his side comb-overs are getting out of control.

Mostly, I just want it trimmed around the ears and his bangs and on top and in the back and on the sides. Claudy couldn't care less. He's too busy with his Halloween bong collection.

Where do babies get haircuts? Are moms supposed to do it themselves? Maybe I should do a haircut giveaway.

Here's how to enter- 1. Pick Claudy up at my house because I don't have a car. 2. Cut and style his hair. 3. Give him a snack. 4. Pick me up some lunch (nothing homemade, please.) 5. Return Claudy and food.

If you have any questions about babies or my food preferences, just know that I don't like pine nuts and I'm allergic to tomatoes. Go to it!

Glad That's Over

2010-10-12T14:54:00.001-06:00

Summer is my least favorite season. We did (and always do) plenty of fun things, but I don't care for the weather. Sunshine makes me nauseous and shorts and cap sleeves do nothing for my body. But it's over now and good seasons/holidays are on the way. Here's a preview-

Christmas-Love it! Presents are my love language. At least I assume they are. I haven't read the book.

Anniversary-I'm going to wear my wedding dress all day. Or, if it's cold, I will wear sweats and a hoodie all day. We'll see.
Fall-If you've never seen a dachshund playing in the leaves, you are most likely living a half-life, like Voldemort did before he [SPOILER ALERT!] turned good and became a wizard DJ.

Halloween-The only time of year when dark circles are cool.

Thanksgiving-Pie is for lovers. Lovers with love handles. Lovers who eat their lovey feelings. I love pie.

Winter-Best clothing options for those pie lovers.

Early Spring-Pretty things happen without allergies and puppies are born!

Summer-Only three months until fall.

Worst Summer Stats

Worst movie I finished on Netflix watch instant while Cody did homework-Yentl. I thought it was going to be a sort of Fiddler on the Roof 2, but no. The cross dressing didn't bother me so much, but the whole woman-getting-an-education part was not to my taste.

Worst baby food tried out of curiosity-All of them. Babies eat garbage.

Worst pet rat- Rhoda. I caught her giving me the stink eye.

Angriest picture of Claudy- taken shortly after baby's first and last lick of a Tootsie Pop. How many baby tears does it take to get to the center of your cold, black heart?

Worst trip to the Zoo-We went in August and it was hot. I don't recall seeing any animals. We basically walked from one drinking fountain to another, only pausing to stand under the mist sprayers.

Here's Uncle Andy teaching Claudy how to cut in line. Those poor, thirsty children.

Every time Claudy got too hot, we'd park him under a mist sprayer.

Claudius enjoying a heavy dusting of zoo mist.

In between mist sprayers, we had to improvise.

Claudy's "sad face." I'm guessing he picked this one up from a cartoon character. Who really sticks their bottom lip out when they cry?

Rob and I had the goodness to avert our eyes when a beloved, old, zoo employee expired from heat exhaustion. Claudy could not look away.

BEST SUMMER STATS

Best lake centered vacation-Lake Powell. Even though Claudy was well behaved and immobile, we aren't bringing him next year. Nothing ruins a week long vacation on boat like being responsible for anything.

Best picture of Cody at Chard's Wedding-

He was sad that there weren't any mist sprayers.

Best new apartment-Ours. I haven't woken up screaming with spiders on my face since the move. Life has never been sweeter.

HAPPY NOT SUMMER ANYMORE, EVERYONE!

Fiona, will you build me a rainbow?

2010-09-17T11:30:00.003-06:00

I'm an expert in pet death. This is because I've had a lot of pets and all of them (excepting Basil, Rhoda and Dagmar) have died. It's the worst. Today, we are mourning the loss of our beloved Fiona. She may not have been our dog full-time, but we loved her. More than Basil. Well Cody did. I love all creatures equally. Except birds and fish. I don't care for birds and fish. Except to eat. Then I love them.

Though we are sad for the loss of such an excellent dog, we are comforted that we know where she's gone and that she is, most likely, deer stomping departed dachshunds to her heart's content. (Deer stomping is what we call Fiona's signature dog fight move. It involves body slamming Basil with her front paws while on two legs and it's completely awesome)

For those of you who unfamiliar with departed pet lore, allow me to enlighten you. Devout pet owners believe that deceased animals get to use a special rainbow bridge to enter heaven. It's a nice thought, and I won't dispute it here, but the above depiction has it all wrong. Dogs don't share their rainbow bridges with cats. And cats don't share them with birds. Each animal gets its own bridge, perfectly tailored to its taste and disposition.

I like to think of Fiona's bridge as the one Link uses to enter Gannon's castle after defeating the seven spirit temples. Yes, it's a rainbow but it's not all Technicolor, unicorn trapper keeper, in your face. Fiona had way too much class for that nasty, cat trodden, Neverland, acid trip bridge. (Side note: If that specific cat/dog rainbow bridge image has comforted you in the past, please see this side note as my sincerest acknowledgment that some people can find comfort in even the lamest of jpegs.)

Fiona was the best girl and we will miss her terribly. You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore and the legend of Fiona was way hardcore. For a more eloquent tribute, check out Carrie Ann's post here. For more information on rainbows, go here. That'll do, Fiona. That'll do.

Okay, now I'm bawling.

Minds for Molding

2010-09-09T20:07:00.002-06:00

Cody didn't want me to take his back-to-school picture but Basil and Claudy were more than happy to oblige. Neither one is currently pursuing a formal education, but that doesn't mean they can't learn new tricks.

For example, Claudy has learned to make this face whenever Basil approaches.

It's a defense mechanism.

Learning is fun!

We've recently put his pat-a-cake lessons on hold in exchange for "be soft to the doggy" lessons. Basil likes this.

And since Basil already has a diploma, he can usually be found sporting this smug look. I'm not sure what he has to be smug about, though. The only dog in his class that didn't graduate was the slutty Chihuahua that never came to class. So stay in school, kids. The world is not kind to puppies who don't know their times tables.

Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong

2010-08-26T13:20:00.018-06:00

Remember this? It was the view from our basement apartment's webcam. You can almost see/taste the dank. We recently moved into a new apartment over my aunt and uncle's garage. Woot.

See/taste any dank? You don't because there isn't any. Here's webcam's new view. See any cool murals you want me to zoom in on?

This is the wall behind our bed and if you've never seen a more awesome bedroom, you're not alone. Neither has anyone else reading this. Anywhere. Ever. That building on the right is none other than the Provo Airport. It's like we're living at the Anniversary Inn. (Some questions about this link: Why would a vampire want a giant cross in his/her bathroom? Also, why would you want your significant other thinking about Edward on your romantic getaway? Also, why don't they have a Harry Potter themed bedroom for those of us who haven't read Twilight? So much about this link baffles me.)

Sepia-toned loving, anybody? Contact me if you would like to book our aviation themed room.

P.S. Fiona isn't allowed on our bed but Cody wasn't home and pictures are always better with dogs in them.

P.P.S. I won $100 over at Kacy's blog. What should I buy? Something for the bathroom?

Identity Crisis

2010-08-23T18:05:00.000-06:00

Who is he? You sure you want to know? The story of his life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody said this was a happy little tale, if somebody told you he was just your average ordinary baby, not a care in the world, somebody lied.

People told me teething would be a pain, but no one mentioned how draining the whole trying-to-figure-out-which-superhero-to-affiliate-with phase would be. For the past month, Claudy has been nothing but indecisiveness and baby fat.

He started off on a Spider-man kick and I was proud of him for choosing someone with a solid back-story, who also loves his aging, legal guardians. I mean, who doesn't love a boy who loves his Aunt May? We haven't had the mechanical versus organic web shooters discussion yet but there's time for that later. My opinion: Organic is easier but mechanical adds so much more suspense. You never know when those crazy cartridges are gonna run out!

Sadly, within days, he'd switched to the infallible Superman. And don't go arguing his humanlike weakness with kryptonite. That's like being allergic to unicorn tears. Superman doesn't have real problems and is therefore, unrelatable and too cool for school. Claudius likes him because he loves blue and wishes he could walk. Superman wears blue and is very good at walking.

Happily, he went crawling back to Spidey with his lush and plush merchandise. Honestly though, he would have gone crawling back to a dementor if it were as soft and cuddly as Mr. Snugglewebs up there.

Not sure what this was all about. I'm guessing he went with Popeye because his female counterpart is the most like me. You know, big feet, high forehead, killer smile. He definitely has a type. I guess I'm glad he's so into me but really I think he could do better.

The Batman phase was my fault. I couldn't find his normal here's-a-movie-to-watch-in-your-exersaucer-while-mama-lies-on-the-couch, so I put in The Dark Knight because it had a cute clown on the cover.

In the end, I think he'll stick with Spider-man because his costume is so slimming. Too bad it doesn't do much for his crazy comb over.

This post is dedicated to our favorite Spider-man, Rob, who married his own Mary Jane/Tristan on Saturday. Congratulations, guys! You make a super team.

And Congrats to Claudius for keeping that bow tie on long enough to take this picture.

You'd be suprised there's so much to be done.

2010-08-04T12:45:00.001-06:00

What did you do this morning? I shopped online for Chard/Scott and Rob/Tristan's upcoming weddings, did laundry (or rather, rewashed a load I had forgotten was in the washer) and tried to teach Claudius that babies can read. Guess what. They can't. Not even a little bit. If your baby can read, it's a cheap parlor trick and I'm not impressed.

I'll tell you what babies CAN do, though. They can make prank calls to all of Pooh's friends.

Mama's little hooligan. I hope Eeyore didn't take it too personally. You know how he gets.

Happy 4th

2010-07-19T12:15:00.002-06:00

I was going to write about how I love it when July 4th is on a Sunday because then we get a three-day weekend but then I remembered how my life is a seven-day weekend. Go me? We had a pleasant fourth. Basil and Claudy cowered by my dad as we did baby's first fireworks. Quick side note, I've discovered that if you add "baby's first" to anything, it makes it more meaningful and important. Try it. Here, I'll do one: This is baby's first "baby's first" blog. (Because of my frequent seven-day weekends, I have more than enough time to come up with things to add "baby's first" to.) And now for baby's first moving on.

This was taken before the fireworks. Poor Basil didn't know what was coming. Claudius watches a lot of television so he kind of knew what to expect.

This was taken seconds after the fireworks started and seconds before Basil's heart and brain simultaneously exploded.

On the Monday after the fourth, we spent the day in Park City, shopping for presents to cheer up Basil. Claudy experienced baby's first buyer's remorse.

We found Basil an amazing tuxedo for Tristobs upcoming wedding. And yes, it's sleeveless. Normally, we wouldn't but Basil has great shoulders.

Here I am at Dolly's Bookstore, reading up on how to help dachshunds enjoy fireworks. The answer: Jelly beans!

Claudius was there too. We call this the Claudpod.

Trying to impress grandpa. We took a picture because, even though my dad was with us, he wouldn't look up from his Calvin and Hobbes.

Claudy ended the day embarrassed that his shirt said "My First Fourth" on it. We tried to find a "Baby's First Fourth" outfit but this was the best I could do. Maybe next year, kiddo.

Motherly Love

2010-07-01T09:29:00.001-06:00

10 things about Basil

1. Basil loves my mom despite her indifference towards him.

2. Basil loves it when my mom says "good baby!" in a high-pitched voice but is crushed when he realizes it's not for him.

3. Basil spends 75% of his time digging for moles so that my mom will notice him and say "good boy!" in a high-pitched voice.

4. Basil waits to eat his food until my mom is watching. Not sure what that's about.

5. My dad gives Basil meat so he will acknowledge him. My mom gives Basil nothing.

6. If my mom is in the room, Basil will lick Claudy's cheek every time he walks past him.

7. If my mom isn't in the room, Basil steals Claudy's toys.

8. When Basil is missing, he is usually just asleep in my mom's laundry.

9. Basil loves the new Harry Potter trailer because my mom does. I don't think he has even seen any of the other films.

10. Basil's greatest wish is to spend a day with my mom telling him "good boy!" while he eats his food.

Fact: Soil is Fun.

2010-06-30T13:27:00.005-06:00

A couple months ago, I got to teach a class on soil preparation for our relief society gardening activity. It wasn't as bad as it sounds. It was worse. I had to fill in last minute and I didn't know anything about soil. I still don't. And neither do any of the people who attended my class. I got this picture from the ward newsletter. Don't we look calm and collected?

Here are some fun facts about soil that I shared with the sisters:

-Soil can be black or brown or any other color.

-Utah soil is full of nutrients and prayer rocks.

-Worms are good for soil and you can purchase them at any fishing type store.

-If you crush up Oreos, they will look like soil.

-Sometimes pregnant women eat soil because they have an iron deficiency.

If you don't have the time or energy to check out the link up there, I've posted some of my favorite parts below. Let me know if your ward decides to perform it and I'll be there in my raccoon coat and argyle socks.

Let's pretend Emma Smith is having a backyard party and visit her now as she welcomes her guests.

Narrator 2: The Gay 90s were noted for many things, the bustle, the bicycle, and the zipper to mention a few. Women fainted a lot, which may have had something to do with the style of 18" waists, enforced by steel corsets! Basketball and the player piano were invented. The barbershop quartet was popular entertainment.

(Barbershop quartet sings a medley of old songs)

In 1917 America entered World War I. Prohibition came along with votes for women. Voting was nothing for Utah women—they had been doing it as early as 1870.

Narrator 2: The 1920s often called the "Roaring 20s" brought the flapper. Her escort wore a raccoon coat, bell-bottom pants, argyle socks and saddle shoes. Together they sang to the twang of a ukulele when they weren't doing the Charleston or the Black Bottom.

(Enter Charleston Dancers)

It was fashionable in the 1930's for women to wear large hats and the General Authorities had counseled the women to remove them during meetings, a counsel often disregarded. As I opened one conference, I looked over a sea of hats and said, "Sisters, we are going to remain seated while we sing our first song. I'm sure you have books and papers and your hats on your laps and I'm afraid it would be hard for you to hold all of them if you stand." You should have heard the gasps and scattered laughter ripple through the congregation as heads were ducked and hats whisked off!

Lol.

Claudius Triptych

2010-06-28T01:18:00.001-06:00

Content

Captivated

Betrayed

So Much Drama in the LBC

2010-06-26T23:55:00.007-06:00

I'm always a little disappointed when I get home from a trip and realize how it would have been no loss had my camera been stolen. We recently returned from Roy and Samantha's Long Beach, wedding festivities and this post's photos are a good example of why I am the worst picture taker in the world. If only I had a really great camera, then I would be more motivated to feel guilty about how my photos were just sharper images of boring. But if you love blurry, poorly lit, self portraits of me, then keep on scrolling, friend.

We drove down with my cousin Bailey and her fiancé, Scott. As I understand it, they did that Disney Land service thing where they donate their hair or something for free tickets. I'm not really sure how it works. Scott used to have such long, beautiful locks. Bailey got her ticket for setting up a foundation that gives tuxedos to homeless people.

Okay, I know there is a flattering way to hold the camera so that you look really cute and skinny because I see girls doing it all the time. I'm hoping whatever I did here isn't it.

The rest of our party couldn't figure it out either.

Life is too short for flattering poses.

Here's me and Claudius showing Laguna Beach how it's done. And by "it's" I mean unkempt hair and hereditary cankles. Poor little guy. He never had a chance.

Cody and Pat were distracted by the man in the background who was yelling at an employee because he couldn't figure out how to use the new parking meters. Cody ended up showing him how and I thought it would turn out like one of those stories where the man ends up paying for our child to go to college. Instead he gave Cody a dollar and said to "Keep the change, you filthy animal." I guess someone has been watching a little too much Home Alone.

At one point, we got lost and ended up at Top of the World Elementary School. We asked a kid to take our picture and he said he would in exchange for all our Box tops for Education. Little creep. Luckily, I have a fondness for Fruit Roll-ups so we were able to make a deal. After handing them over, I said, "Keep the change, you filthy animal." and the kid stared back at me blankly. Is Home Alone not cool any more? Kids these days.

Claudius hammin' it up at the beach. He didn't even know we weren't in Utah.

I was on the ground, taking pictures, when Scott and Cody scooped him up suddenly. Good eye, boys.

The wise man suns his baby on the grass. Claudius was staring at some guy performing magic tricks. I wanted to do the kind thing by telling him if a baby gets bored watching him for five seconds, everyone will. But I don't like confrontations.

We don't believe in sunscreen because it's too trendy. Sometimes it's difficult being this hip.

Congratulations to Samantha and Roy. I have no other pictures with Jenny but she made my trip. We had her sleep in Claudy's room and she got up early with him everyday! Sorry, Jenny. We're the worst. Now, we are back in Utah and miss her terribly. Samantha and Roy, not so much. They now live just around the corner from us and have yet to offer their services. Still, we are excited they are married and close by.

Little Boy Blue

2010-06-16T02:36:00.005-06:00

Does anyone know how to center my gnome image? It looks off. When I logged into blogger, it tricked me into playing around with new templates. Now my old blog is gone and I don't know how to get it back. But who cares, right? I assume you weren't checking this blog just for my khaki background. Don't get attached to Greenie McGreenerson, though. I give it a week. So long, Ol' Khacks. You were a good'un.

And now for some Claudius. Sorry to all you Basil fans (probably the same people who check this blog for Ol' Khacks.) It's his allergy season and he's asked that I not photograph him in his condition.

We got Claudy a toy cell phone and he fell apart because it looks like a regular phone with the cord cut off. I'm trying to teach him how "retro" is hip but there's just no getting through to him. Any ideas? Any water damaged iphones you want him to have?

I make him wear his hood up because the back of his head now looks like this:

I know that young children often find ways to cut their hair but I've never heard of a baby shaving his own head. I'm guessing he was going for an inverted Friar-Tuck-do. Look who's the retro poser now.

Peanut Butter Summer Time

2010-06-08T11:49:00.001-06:00

I have a lot of family in town to mooch off so I never pay for babysitters, but when I need to get things done around our apartment, balloons are a negligent mother's best friend. Maybe I should invest in a helium tank. Look how happy he is!

I think he's holding still because he knows if one pops he could choke on it. Mama's little scientist.

Recently, we started him on solid foods. At first he wasn't sure about it.

But then he decided we were just bad parents. Mama's little picky eater.

Here's Cody showing him how to eat like a big boy. This was taken in Idaho. We went up to celebrate Cody's grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary.

They're wonderful. Claudius was so happy to be at their house, safe from balloons, rats and dachshunds.

This was his bedroom at Great Grandpa and Grandma Hill's. We still swaddle him because he needs to know who's boss. The toy lamb in the corner is his aroma therapy/noise machine. Claudy can't sleep without the sound of the ocean and the smell of bacon.

Happy 60th anniversary, guys! Let me know if you find my retainer.

Oh the Places They'll Go!

2010-05-30T13:00:00.004-06:00

My cousins Madison and Mason are now High School graduates. Congrats, Twinners! This means sweet baby Claudy has already sat through two graduation ceremonies in his short life, the poor lamb.

The ceremony was a bit awkward when the Principal asked if there were any Uncle Bens in the audience and no one stood up. I did, however, see one passed out in a pool of his own sick, the poor lamb. Speaking of sleeping face down your own in vomit, Claudius recently won the role of Evil King Noah in our FHE reenactment.

Our little rice cereal-bibber.

I was his understudy.

Cody played teen heartthrob Alma and muscly Abinadi. Show off.

An Emergency

2010-05-28T03:44:00.005-06:00

This is my dad, Mark.

He used to be a BYU operator and for the most part, he knows what kind of information they do and do not give out. That said, he tends to see the current Info staff as a pack of trained, flying monkeys, ready to do his bidding. The following is a phone conversation I was told took place-

Operator: "BYU operator. . ."

Mark: "I know you don't normally do this but I need the number for the Hostess Outlet.

Operator: "I'm sorry but we only give out BYU related numbers."

Mark "Yes, I understand that but this is an emergency."

Operator: "I'm sorry I can't help you."

Mark "Let me speak with your supervisor, please."

Operator: "Alright, but they will tell you the same thing."

Supervisor: "Operator services . . ."

Mark: Hello, I have an emergency. I'm driving and I need the number to the Hostess Outlet."

Supervisor: "Of course!"

And there you have it. Now, I'm not supporting my father's blatant disregard for the rules at Info (as a former operator, I can tell you they don't enjoy telling people no. Well most don't. I did.) But I am grateful for that brave supervisor who understood my dad's urgent need for discounted Little Debbie Snack Cakes.

Did you know west Provo has a Hostess Outlet? I did. Actually, I'm surprised my Dad didn't have the number in his phone. It's like his default I-need-to-get-a-lot-of-refreshments-for-really-cheap-really-fast place. On my sixteenth birthday, he came to one of my classes with a garbage bag full of reject Twinkies and WAITED for me to pass them out. I guess it was his way of saying "Hey boys, my daughter can date now so let's eat this hefty bag of expired and deformed treats to make it official."

I might have been the only high school student in history to have been UN-asked to a dance but I'd take some misshapen Ho Hos over a sweaty, high school boy any day. And I'm not just saying that because now I'm 25 and the opposite would be illegal. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my dad could beat up your dad if he had a bat and kicking was allowed.

Baby Big Head

2010-05-21T21:04:00.005-06:00

Claudius is now four-months-old. I've heard that babies become a lot more fun starting around now but so far he just throws up more. I guess that means he is going to be the life of the party in college. Here he is wearing a birthday crown that was made to fit the head of an adult female.

I told him he could do a "funny" one after we took some normal pictures. He had five minutes to think of something to do and this is what he came up with. Don't you think "funny" pictures are almost always lame? I do. Especially when captioned "We're like this all the time!" What does that even mean? You always look caught off guard by having to come up with a unique pose? I say almost always lame because Claudy's "funny" poses are amazing. I planned on knowing if my baby wasn't cute but now I see that love has on those drunk goggles they make you wear in drivers ed. I mean, I can see his huge head but in my brain I think, "Wow, most babies look strange with giant foreheads but this kid is workin' it!" Please do not leave comments telling me otherwise.

To celebrate four months, we got him a jumpy chair. This photo is of his first time using it. If he looks embarrassed, it's because my brothers were teasing him for having a sassy chair. Grow up if you thought about taping over the first letter. I'm planning on making it say Sassafrassy. That blurry foot in the lower right hand corner is my attempt at a "funny" pose. See, almost always lame.

Fiona was there too. When her eyes glow red it means she wants a turn in the Sassy chair. So far, Claudy only knows how to slowly spin in circles while whimpering. I guess four-months-old is more fun.

Bella Notte

2010-05-15T11:06:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I worry that you will forget how cute my dog is. Several people told me that after Claudius was born we wouldn't love Basil as much. As it turns out, those people don't know so many things. Basil (pronounced Bazzle) is the reason I eat healthy. Honestly, I don't like salad but I eat it because I want to be around when Basil grows up.

Baby and Basil get along fine. Claudy is oblivious to Basil and Basil pretends to like Claudy so we will give him treats. Here he is napping on Claudy's blanket to show us that "baby scent" doesn't bother him. "Good boy! Have a cookie."

This week we are dog sitting our favorite Weim, Fiona.

We had spaghetti with meatballs for dinner and I thought it would be so precious for Basil and Fiona to share a bowl.

It started out romantic enough.

Then Fiona decided she wanted to see other people. I guess the closest Basil's life will ever get to The Lady and the Tramp will be saving Claudy from our baby-eating pet rats. He now has four piercings in his neck but since he follows the prophet, he only wears studs in two of them. "Good boy! Have a cookie."

First Bath

2010-05-08T17:03:00.003-06:00

Most baby experts agree that bathing an infant regularly should begin shortly after birth. We decided to be new agey and wait three months. Our reasoning was that babies are like stainless steel pans. You have to let them build up a layer of grease before they become non-stick. (This analogy only works if you don't think about it at all.)

What baby soaps do you like best? We used Palmolive but only because it was sitting by the sink. We also turned his bath into a teaching moment. Bubbles hurt our eyes!

All clean and ready to fry up the eggs of life. (Again, it works. Don't think about it.) If you're wondering whether or not we cleaned his belly button nubbin before it fell off, we did. I'm glad too because Basil ate it before I could make it into a necklace. Bad dog!

And Alderon's not far away . . .

2010-05-01T03:33:00.006-06:00

The day after graduation, someone's Facebook status said that southern California was enjoying very fine weather so, without any planning, we drove there. We can do this kind of thing because we are young, beautiful and practically childless. Claudy seems like more of an accessory than a person.

This is the face he makes when I say things like that. Then I respond with "Cody, come see! He thinks he's people!" It's a vicious cycle.

While at Grandma and Grandpa Hill's, Claudy went swimming for the first time. And by swimming I mean we held him and stood in the pool for like two seconds. It was magical. He wouldn't smile for the pictures because he doesn't love his little accessories as much as we love ours.

He liked the hot tub but was sad it wasn't a time machine.

I'm thinking of starting a little business selling modesty bibs. Here I am wearing the prototype. As you can see, modest isn't always hottest. I'm also working on attachable awkward-tattoo covers. But they're really more trouble than they're worth. Oh, and if you were thinking that that kid in the background is checking me out, he's not. Thanks, modesty bib!

On our way home, we shared our first Double Down. To be healthy, Cody ordered it with grilled chicken instead of original. We're all about eating healthy these days.

While at KFC/Taco Bell, an Irish couple gave us a taco because they were full and Irish and not sure why Taco Bell was a popular chain. At first, I thought we shouldn't eat it because it could be unsafe but then I remembered we were eating a Double Down. The taco was delicious. That said, it could have been more delicious if in place of a shell, it had a folded steak.

We ended our trip with some much needed tummy time at a St. George gas station. Claudy won the head holding up contest but only because my neck was tired from using it all day. We love our little hippoclaudimus.

Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Blog

2010-04-27T17:15:00.032-06:00

Here's a riddle: Who has a shamelessly, disobedient dachshund, a bachelors degree in English and an incessant urge to yell "Sucks to your assmar!" at people? Answer: This me. Or is it I? Whatev. I graduated. Speaking of English, as a missionary, I taught language classes and one of my most prized possessions is a note from a student that said,"You was a really good teacher." Dang straight.

My dad didn't attend his own graduation so he decided to crash mine. Thanks for stealing my special day, Dad!

Me and my unimpressed spawn. "Hey Claudius, everything is not about you."

Sarah, my freshman year roommate, also graduated this semester. Did you notice how her robes are a different color and made of a higher-grade polyester? This is because Sarah was getting her master's degree. Yes, she's amazing but I'll bet if you compared our spider-solitaire-four-suit-win-stats you would know who chose the better part.

This post isn't really about me graduating. It's about showing off my P90X workout results. Can you believe I was able to fit into those robes just three months postpartum? One-size-fits-all never looked so fine. Go ahead and congratulate me. If you'd rather not, then sucks to your assmar.

Warning: This post contained the words "assmar" and "P90X."

Wasn't Born with It

2010-04-08T11:03:00.005-06:00

Recently, I turned 25. It's been a fun, sexy time for me so, to celebrate, I'm posting a tutorial on how I do my make-up. It's like a party favor.

Step 1: Remove yesterday's make-up. This isn't always necessary. The layered look is in. And sometimes yesterday didn't merit any make-up. Or pants. Are we all in agreement that "pants" is the funniest word in the English language? I try to say it as much as possible. What's your favorite word?

Step 2: Where most people use foundation, I use concealer. The trick is to not care that you should be using foundation.

Step 3: Blend but don't over blend. What's the point of putting on make-up if people can't tell you're wearing any?

Step 4: Apply ChapStick if you can find it. I don't like to dig in my make-up bag. Tweezers are sharp.

Step 5: Eye shadow is important if you want boys to like you. Pick a color that says "I don't know how to put on eye shadow so I'm using this one because it looks like my skin."

Step 6: Eyebrow touch ups. Use tweezers or tape. Tape is faster but less accurate.

Step 7: Mascara is tricky. You'll want to make sure to open your mouth really wide so that you don't get pinkeye.

Step 8: Smell and taste your lip gloss. A respectable girl shouldn't use any lip color/flavor with the following names: Underage, Oyster Girl, Hot Pope Red, Bad Driver Yellow or Meet me down at the Sizzler.

Step 9: Apply liberally unless it's thin-lipped-skank night at your local watering hole. I have no idea what I'm saying.

Step 10: Beauty marks are optional. I rarely take the time. "Put your faces on, girls! Here comes Smee!"

Feel free to email me with any questions on brands or techniques. You might, however, be surprised at how much I don't know. But we'll figure it out together. If you don't hear back immediately, just meet me down at the Sizzler.

My Bestie Peeps

2010-03-29T16:38:00.017-06:00

As a child, on Saturday mornings, Jenny would come to my house and do all of my chores. This wasn't to surprise me. I told her I couldn't play until my chores were done. Rather than finding a nicer, less lazy, more deserving friend, Jenny did my chores while I slept. I just love her. In case you were considering becoming my friend, please know that it comes with years of hard labor. Recently, Jenny, Kevin and Maddy came all the way from Reno to see Basil. They're the best. Kevin isn't in any of the pictures because he spent the entire weekend fixing my parents garage door. Everyone needs a Kevin.

This is the most dressed Claudy has ever been.

Eat your heart out, internet, we have great legs (mine are the ones covered in milk.) It was the strangest thing. I was just sitting there and all of the sudden I threw up the milk I ate for breakfast and lunch. My life is so hard.

We also saw Sarah, Laura and Samantha. Samantha had just been on an unplanned, rose scavenger hunt. I told her not to go because those types of things usually end in murder.

In the end, I'm glad she went because she got engaged to Roy. Everything you need to know about Roy can be learned on this website he designed for a class project.

Way to go, guys. You make young, hip and beautiful look cool.

As it turns out, the only way to get a decent photo of a baby riding a dachshund involves smearing butter on the floor. This is why Basil's coat is so shiny.

Cute babies. Sometimes I wish Claudy's head wasn't bigger than Maddy's.

Their trip was too short. Hopefully, we will see them at Roy and Samantha's wedding. Hey, remember Cody? I love him. He carefully arranges dogs and children atop my kneeling father just so I can photograph them. Everyone needs a Cody.

Going Green

2010-03-19T15:56:00.014-06:00

Well, we had an eventful St. Patrick's Day. And by eventful I mean we dressed Claudy in green and took pictures of him with Basil. As you can see, it's now their favorite holiday.

It's so hard to get pictures of them smiling at the same time. Seriously, every picture was either one or the other. Does it look like Claudy has red hair? He doesn't. I dyed it so he'd look like a leprechaun. Then I gave Basil tan highlights.

Claudy and his new pipe. I'm worried we're not getting through to him. This week's FHE lesson was on not putting pipes in our eyes.

Good dog, Carl. I mean Basil. He hates it when Claudy cries so he's always happy to remove any offending objects. On a side note: Everything I know about parenting I learned from this book. Buy it. It'll change your life. Possibly, the same way hitting a pedestrian will.

In an effort to be a cool mom, I dyed Claudy's milk red. Would've used green but I ran out after our celebration of St. Francis Xavier day. The red worked fine, though. I told him it was leprechaun blood and he thought I was the coolest.

In conclusion, please recycle. Because if the earth's not here, where else is Claudy gonna dance?

The Gem State

2010-03-04T15:57:00.016-07:00

Sometimes it's nice to leave Provo. About a month ago, we went to Idaho to see Cody's grandparents. And with a little help from Lunesta and its creepy, green, space moth, Claudy slept the whole way. Calm down, I crushed it up for him.

Here's Claudius as a one-month-old. Kacy hooked him up with his sweet, Smurf onesie. After this photo was taken he decided to smurf all over it. Then he smurfed all over me. Thank goodness for Smurf-and-Wash. Babies have no smurfin' inhibitions.

Not wearing gloves is a privilege Claudy hasn't earned. It's bad enough I have to take him in public with those stoner eyes (thank you, Lunesta!) but the scratches make me look like a bad mother. When he decides to make good choices I'll decide to start clipping his fingernails.

Okay, back to our trip. Here I am grinning like an idiot at the "This is the Place" trailer park. The museum, or "model home" as they call it, was closed. Maybe next visit.

Claudy and his great-grandma Hill. I told her to make him smile and this is the best we got.

He bonded with his great-grandpa. As it turns out, they both like watching the Olympics and napping. But who doesn't?

Tina! There's only one thing I love more than Tina and that's Club crackers.

Guess who hates getting ready for church. Claudy! Or maybe he hates the American flag. I think he's in that it's-not-cool-to-like-America phase right now. Silly baby. I guess we need to chant U-S-A! U-S-A! at him more often. That always brings a patriotic tear to my eye.

All ready to go. Check out his Sunday bear suit. It's what babies wear in Idaho. We don't let him wear it to our church because Utah babies are cruel and would tease him mercilessly.

Remember how my tongue was messed up? It's getting better. I think the Idaho air agrees with me. This was a test photo to see if my flash was on. I have to test it before I photograph Claudy because he screams at bright lights. I think he might be a vampire.

James, Jimmy and James. Jimmy Jr. was in California not napping and watching the Olympics with us. His loss.

Claudy in his new jogging stroller. I'm all about shaping my bod these days. Someone please buy me a flesh colored unitard so I can document my progress in a modest yet seemingly nude way. Maybe I'll wear the unitard while jogging. I need to be aerodynamic what with how fast I'll be running. But seriously, look for that stroller on Craigslist in about two months. So back to Idaho. We had a great time. Love those Idahills!

This baby is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S

2010-03-01T09:49:00.008-07:00

Bananas over mommy? I think not. Claudy is really only bananas over milk (the baby superfood, not the movie.) Well, maybe he's bananas over the movie but he must have seen it at a friend's house because we don't own it.

When Claudy cries (for whatever reason) I feed him. It works. He stops crying. Now his 3-month clothes tease him for thinking he was ever so small. I don't want to hear about how babies cry for other things besides food. I know they do. I just don't know what any of those things are. This brings me to a new segment here at The Everlastings Hill's-

WHAT I WILL DO DIFFERENTLY, DURNING THE FIRST SIX WEEKS, WITH ANY SUBSEQUENT HILL BABIES

1. Watch more movies. I can't get over how much time I spent staring at a wall while feeding Claudy. What was I thinking? I mean, I like movies and I tire of blank staring after like zero seconds so why didn't I figure it out? I know why. Self pity. I love feeling sorry for myself and nothing makes me sorrier than feeding my child. Don't think I'm awful, though. Look at that picture up there. I'm a freakin' saint.

2. Not get my baby boy circumcised at the BYU health center. If you were wondering, yes, that is a Crock-Pot full of warm chicken in the exam room. "What's that? You want me to refrain from taking pictures in here?" Come on! I'm pretty sure the practice of smearing chicken fat on infants to prevent typhoid ended sometime in the early 1800s. Or maybe it wasn't chicken at all. Foreskin stew?

3. Not be a full-time student with a newborn. I'm only going because I graduate in April. What? Did you think I was in it for the awesome health care? See above photo. I can't wait until May when I will sleep all day except for when I'm watching movies.

To be continued . . .

Blatantly Fishing for Compliments and Invitations

2010-02-18T17:16:00.010-07:00

See those blotches on my face? I have impetigo. It's a skin thing that only children are supposed to get. Yes, only dirty, dirty children. They get it from kids at school, have it for two weeks and then go on with life, never looking back. I never had it as a child but now I get it every few months. You may recall seeing it here. Today's goal is to not spread it to Claudy. If I succeed, I might have to start a blog about what a great mother I am.

Also, do you like my hair and make-up? I didn't do them today. Why? Because I'm not a woman anymore: I'm a mom!

Is this post upsetting? I need to get out of this basement. Invite me to your house. I probably won't come because I don't want you to get impetigo. Also, I'm flakey.

A Birthday Pat

2010-02-15T11:29:00.009-07:00

I love Cody. This one time, when I was in labor, I kept begging for a c-section and Cody helped me remember that I didn't really want one and that my brain was just talkin' crazy. He's the best. It was his birthday on the 10th and we celebrated accordingly. Here's a picture of his birthday cake (lemon bars, minus powdered sugar, baked in a frying pan with quickly melting candles.) If you're thinking I should start a food blog then good for you. I was thinking the same thing.

I lit the outside candles first and Cody lit the middle. Huzzah for Birthday burns!

We celebrated by eating food at a restaurant. Cody's food was better than mine so he shared. Sharing birthday food is just one example of something Cody does that would never even occur to me. He's a good man.

Look who else came to dinner. Pat and Debbie. Are you wondering why Pat was there and not in Orange County? So was I when he showed up at my apartment a week prior to this. I was in my pajamas, holding my two-week-old baby when he knocked on our door. Here's something you might not know about me. I'm pretty good at keeping a calm, outward appearance when shocked or upset. "Hey Pat, what's up?" Apparently he had texted Cody "I'm a comin' to hang out" earlier that morning but Cody hadn't thought much of it. I borrowed a blow-up mattress from Chard and the week of Pat began. That first night, we tried to be quiet as we went back and forth past him to the baby's room. By the end of the week we were making Pat feed, clothe and baby-sit Claudy. He's actually very nurturing.

We saw a lot of Debbie too. It was nice to have a reason to wear pants on the days I don't have school. Here they are posing like a lady and a tramp because we told them to.

The first time Basil met Pat was in California and Pat had a beard. Basil doesn't do well with beards and people wearing them. He barked a lot. This time around they got along great.

Happy Birthday, Cody! I love you more than Claudy, Basil and pull-through parking spots combined.

Better Know a Claudy

2010-02-13T00:52:00.017-07:00

I hadn't planned on turning this blog into a "hey, look at my baby!" site but hey, look at my baby! Don't worry, though. I'm sure it will be back to its original "hey, look at my dog!" theme in no time.

Here's a little bit about Claudy. He's hardcore.

Sometimes, when I don't give him food as soon as he wants it, he chokes me with the Force. It's kind of scary. I tell myself he's a baby and doesn't know what he's doing. But look at his eyes. He totally does.

This is Claudy when he cries.

We think he looks like this guy.

Tummy time fail.

Cute story: So I dropped Claudy's pacifier down the disposal while washing it and silly Claudy reached in to get it! Oh babies, when will they learn? He lost half a finger but the lesson learned can never be chopped off.

Basil and Grandpa Mark love the baby. Guess which one of them cries to be let outside whenever Claudy screams.

Our Little Scholar

2010-02-04T12:26:00.003-07:00

Claudy, posing for his clown college application photo. He sleeps 18 hours a day but he parties 24.

Claudy with a Chance of Basil

2010-01-30T16:53:00.029-07:00

So I had a baby. This baby. His name is Claudy and his favorites include blank staring, involuntary arm movements and Badly Drawn Boy. We love him because he looks like a turtle.

This was taken before going to the hospital. Basil had just jumped on my stomach after playing in the snow. See if you can find his paw prints.

At the hospital you can have all the ice chips you want. This pleased me. Also, you can have flavored ice. This pleased me too until 20 hours later when I was puking up lime green, snow cone syrup for three hours while pushing. Yes, it was gross.

I watched Harry Potter 6 while waiting for Claudy to come out. Chard was there too but she didn't want to watch it. I was all "I get to pick the movie because it's my special day" and she was all "Whatever, you cow. You're such a whiner."

At the end she was crying, though. She said she had something in her eye but really I think she liked it.

This is when I was sad because my epidural decided to stop working. Or maybe this is when Dumbledore died. Malfoy is such a tool.

Yay! James Claudius Hill was born at 5:45 am on January 19th. The nurse told me the blue line was my contractions and the red line was Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now". "Isn't that cool?" she said. And I said, "Um, I'm in labor."

Here he is, less than an hour old, in all his nasty-cone-headed glory.

Cody loves Claudy. Claudy looks good in feet.

Gail was kind enough to support Cody through his ebola quarantine.

Chard!!!

Claudy is Grandma and Grandpa Magleby's first great grandchild.

He had lots of visitors at the hospital and he loved all the attention.

Uncle Rob. Where's Uncle Andy? Nicklecade?

First car ride. Yawn. Let's get to the good stuff.

Basil! Were you wondering how Basil took to Claudy? My Dad asked if he could take Claudy's hospital blanket home to his dog and the nurse told him no. He argued with her but she said no again. After she left, he put it in his bag. He thinks he's going to return it. Basil loved the blanket.

We made sure Basil felt special and included.

The proud and blurry grandparents.

Formula makes him sleepy. Isn't it sweet how Basil wanted to warm Claudy's car seat for him?

Baby head shots

Sponge baby square head.

Basil was feeling left out.

Basil loves his baby. Actually, he loves the heat lamp slightly pictured.

I forgot to take the traditional heart-hands-on-the-stomach shot before Claudy was born so I decided to just take it after. I'll bet you're hoping I got this photo off of Google image search. I didn't. If things need to be weird between us now, I understand.

Workin' that eternal family thang.

Welcome to the blog, Claudius Babius!

My Ultimate Birth Plan

2010-01-13T12:00:00.003-07:00

So I haven't been feeling very bloggy lately. I think it's because I don't work late nights anymore. Yes, I am no longer an employee of BYU info. It makes me sad. Now awful, awful Rob works there in my place. Well, not quite in my place. He's just an info prank monkey who dances for nickels. But enough about Wittle Wob. He'll get his soon enough.

I was just thinking how I haven't put my birth plan into writing. Have you heard about birth plans? They are all the rage. Basically, one lists everything and anything they do and/or don't want to happen during labor and delivery. It's like a letter to Santa only less magical and Santa is a group of nurses who don't care that you want to wear a poncho instead of a hospital gown. My weekly pregnancy update email keeps telling me to finalize my birth plan and because I do everything it tells me except avoid sushi and soft cheese, I give you my ultimate birth plan:

I would like to beat the entire Zelda game "The Ocarina of Time" while in labor. Of course, I don't plan of finding every heart piece or getting the giant sword but beating the game in 12 hours is possible.

I want two epidurals. One in my back and one in my face. I mean, seriously, how cool is that going to be?

I want a Harry Potter Band-aid to cover the IV in my hand. If I see it I might throw up and die.

I want a C-Section if anyone yells at me or tells me in a stern voice to push. This will probably happen on its own as I will stop pushing indefinitely if any raised voices are used.

I want Basil to be asleep in the baby warmer until I give birth.

I don't want any hospital staff to look me in the eye.

I want a Route 44 pebble Ice with two lemons and two limes. Also, I want that right now.

I don't want Cody to use the defibrillator on Basil. He's been shocked enough lately. Basil got a new electric fence for Christmas from Cody's grandpa and he's still learning not to use it.

I want Cody to be dressed like Paulie Bleeker.

I want world peace.

So there you have it. I'll let you know how it goes if this baby ever decides to show up. You may consider yourself a witness to this, my official birth plan

Thanksgiving Happenings

2009-12-05T14:51:00.026-07:00

For Thanksgiving break the whole Mark Magleby family went to San Francisco. We haven't really been on a vacation together since our Give Kids the World sponsored Disney World trip and that was kind of a downer anyway what with all the dying kids everywhere. The trip was planned around cute Uncle Jack and Aunt Ginny's 50th wedding anniversary celebration but Cody and I had to skip out before the party to see our other family.

Hour 5 of 13 en route. Rob and his beloved beef Jerky, Andy and his beloved brown shoulder.

And we made it. In middle school a guidance counselor told me in an unsolicited meeting that some people just don't look good in black. And yes, I was wearing a black shirt as she said it. She continued speaking and I remember tuning her out and thinking "What exactly are the qualifications to be a middle school guidance counselor? Is she getting paid to abuse me or is she just a bored mom who needs to get out of the house once in a while?" I must have looked glazed because she asked to meet with me another time. And because of that great woman I am now the successful human being you know today (loud raspberry sound + thumbs down motion.)

Now we're on the trolley. As you can see, my Danish legs are getting danishier. I would blame it on salt, pregnancy and water retention but we all know that's not true. Me want food! Also, I'm married and have fully embraced that whole letting-yourself-go thing.

Alcatraz. I think Andy and Robbie decided to coordinate.

My mom: "Scrunch down. Come on, it'll look cute." I hate it when she's right.

Rob mulling over one of life's more serious questions.

Our Christmas card photo?

On top of Coit Tower. Pit Stains McGee in the middle there is celebrating making it to the top with out perspiring. I was impressed but would have been more so if we hadn't all taken the elevator.

For all you I Am Sam fans out there. Sean Penn and the homeless woman he impregnated.

My family had a weight loss competition before the trip. Here's Rob the triumphant winner. His strategy, you might ask? Cutting out Taco Bell for one week. What a champ. But seriously he did win. Also, I wasn't allowed to participate and Cody was only allowed to gain weight.

This one time, I tried to hold Rob's hand. Now we don't speak.

Who needs maternity clothes when normal clothes fit just fine? Check out my one size fits all hoodie. Wait, that looks gross.

This creeps me out.

Christmas card photo?

I wish I had more pictures from our O.C. trip but I didn't manage any. Thanks Gail and Jim for flying us down. As you can see the Hill family photo shoot turned out nicely.

Meh

2009-11-18T18:22:00.006-07:00

So my eyebrows are getting pretty hairy. And by hairy I mean sometimes I use gel on them so I can go into public. I need to pluck them but I am just soooo lazy. I do have a lot of homework and a job but I also play spider solitaire and watch Cody's online Accounting class even though it's lame and I have no reason to do so. Well, almost no reason. Whenever the teacher sneezes or coughs Cody rewinds it and puts it in slow motion because I love it. His coughs are full of hidden messages. Last week he told me to hire a dog to burn down a hospital. What does that mean? So yes, I have time.

Eyebrows exhibit A: If I look sleepy it's because I just woke up from an angry nap.

This won't help me. I already have a unibrow. Thanks for nothing. Also, is the cartoon using scissors? I didn't know that was an option.

Remember when Andy got home from his mission and saw Puppy for the first time? He looks so happy. It's beautiful because he can't breathe. This post is about hair. Puppy had lots of hair. I think I should use Nair on my eyebrows and then draw them back on with a brown Sharpie. I'll let you know how it goes.

Birthday Boy

2009-10-28T22:06:00.005-06:00

Cody's parents are in Hawaii right now and yes, I know what you're thinking. How could they plan a trip over Basil's birthday? But they've overcompensated tremendously. Basil got a package from Hawaii today containing this sexy little number.

Nice cleavage, bud.

This is his happy face. People often confuse it with his humiliated face.

He's just too pretty to be a boy.

The picture on the bag showed a dog wearing the bikini top backwards. You'd think they could have found one dog without nipples on its back. Hawaii is a strange place.

This was the costume Cody made for Basil's birthday/Halloween. We call it Plastic-Bag-and-Tape-Dog-Man. Basil is much happier with the hula outfit. Thanks Gail and Jim!

Imma knit me some friends

2009-10-27T10:37:00.018-06:00

I’m starting to get that dry-heavey feeling that comes with realizing I won’t be working at my beloved BYU Info for much longer. New Year’s Day is my last day of work. It seems far off but it’s not. Less than 9 weeks. How could they do this to me!?! I don’t remember my life before I started at Info in 2004. I remember having braces once and I think I was baptized but other than that I’ve got nothing. I wonder if I was a cheerleader in high school? I’m going to assume I was. My Danish legs are perfect for high kicks. I think I need a hobby. Little help?

The following is a list of things I have no interest in trying-

Crafts

Well, I guess that sums it up. Let’s find me something useful to do with my time. The thought of no school and no work makes me sleepy. Warm and sleepy. I want that.

Der Wunderhund

2009-10-17T20:52:00.006-06:00

What could make him jump so high?

Only an Egg McMuffin or an infant.

Drugs and Toys

2009-10-10T20:01:00.009-06:00

I miss Adderall. I miss it more than childhood. And I had a great childhood. So many toys. I hope to one day have a girl child because my Polly Pocket collection is off the hook. I have at least 50 of the old school compacts and they have almost all their pieces. So glad I never gave them to charity.

Does she have red eyes? I think Polly is worried about her friend.

I also have tons of Littlest Pet Shop. My parents were against Barbie for some reason so they had to find alternative playthings. Now, I like animals more than people. Way to go, guys! I don't understand their logic. I mean, without Barbie how does a young girl learn to feel bad about herself? Some things are just part of life. I certainly didn't learn about sexy curves from surfboard Polly up there.

Also, American Girl dolls. Classic.

And finally, the amazing Playmobil dollhouse.

Again, not the sexiest of toys but one can create healthy boy/girl relationships with even the most pious of characters. I pretended she was Darth Vader's secret mistress.

They're all packed away in my parent's basement if they haven't been eaten by mice. I plan on giving them to my daughter when she's old enough to care. There is, of course, the big possibility she will think my nasty, old toys are lame. If this is the case, I will take away all her toys because my toys are awesome and better than the toys from the future. I can also see myself taking them all back because she doesn't treat them carefully. Kids are the worst. They don't deserve my stuff.

This post was supposed to be about Adderall and because I can't take it while pregnant I ended up writing about toys and how I'm already a bad mother. I just miss it so much. Maybe, if I take Adderall now, Hillgleby won't have ADD. Yes, that's what I should do. This post is dedicated to my sweet, little, crack baby.

"I often go walking with Basil the puppy."

2009-09-26T13:21:00.012-06:00

We sing primary songs to Basil and put his name in them so he feels special. You cringe but secretly you love it and think it's a great idea. I like to think that if Basil had opposable thumbs he would go on to do great things. My dad thinks he would start smoking.

"Basil dog is a special dog. He's the dog who gets ready for Sunday."

Basil has one week left of puppy school and we're excited to get our Thursday nights back. We will miss a few things though, like the other dogs in class and their owners. Also . . .

. . . the slick floor of Petsmart. As soon as we walk through the front door, Basil won't walk. He gets no traction on the tile and when he tries to run he stays in the same place. It's like a hilarious treadmill. Look at him cower.

In his classroom, Basil does fine. Last time, that big white dog relieved himself on Basil. He just stood over him and piddled. It was amazing.

We've been having trouble getting Basil to go from a sit position to a down position. Our teacher says Basil doesn't understand "down" because he is already down all the time. I think she just doesn't want him to repeat the class.

Sometimes the floor becomes too much for Basil and Cody has to carry him. Next Thursday is Basil's graduation. Hopefully, you can all make it or at least send him gifts. Basil is registered at The Happy Sumo.

On Sundays we like to take Basil on walks at Sundance because we want him to be popular or at least a lesser part of the cool crowd. Also, we like it because it's something to do before we can eat on fast Sunday. Well, until Cody can eat. I don't fast. I could. But I like food and special treatment. I think pregnant women use their condition to get out of a lot of stuff that really won't hurt them. Our fetus could eat my thigh fat if it felt like it.

I've been reading about Dachshunds and babies lately and have learned some interesting things. They don't always get along. Basil lives at my parents so he won't always be an issue. But I do plan on leaving Hillgleby there as much as possible. I mean, I have dreams!

So far, Basil does really well with young children. But Dachshunds are very jealous and Basil loves my mom more than anything in the world. I wonder how he will do when he sees her holding a new, pink puppy (or yellow if Hillgleby has Jaundice.)

This is what we look like when we aren't holding Basil. While Cody was taking this photo, Andy and Robbie were forcing Basil into the river.

On the way home we fed him cherries and sang "Once there was a puppy, puppy, puppy, Once there was a puppy, tall, tall, tall!" Yeah, you love it.

Not a Post. Maybe an Update

2009-09-10T21:50:00.005-06:00

Still no internet but soon . . . School and work make us busy and sleepy . . . Freshman in their back-to-school sweaters look sharp and sweaty. . . Basil is halfway done with puppy school . . . Hillgleby is halfway done with gestation . . . Both are loved . . . Both show very little talent . . . Swiss fun at Swiss Days with Swiss Gail! . . . Three, vehicle registration tickets in one month . . . It's cool because the traffic cop always puts them right on top of the letter we purposely leave on our dashboard, from the California DMV, saying that our car is registered . . . He waits for us to leave the house . . . We never pray that no harm or accident will come upon him . . . I love Cody . . . I miss 30 Rock . . . Working on our Halloween costumes . . . Missing bloggleby.

Ye Olde Family Ultrasounds

2009-08-29T16:33:00.013-06:00

For your viewing convenience, I have circled little Hillgleby's face. I was worried that our fetus was kind of a monster until I looked at copies of Cody's and my ultrasounds. The technology wasn't great back then but you can make out some similarities.

Fetus Hillgleby at 20 weeks

Fetus Cody at 20 weeks.

Fetus Berkeley at 20 weeks

So yeah, Hillgleby should be fine. After some serious orthodontia for me and Cody's 10 hour, death eater tongue, reduction surgery, we turned out cute enough.

Comcast? More Like Comdiscriminatesagainstpeopleinbasementscast

2009-08-10T14:27:00.012-06:00

I came up with that post title in one try. I know, right? So, remember when I was all excited about how we have internet? Well, we don't. Comcast hates us and said they wouldn't install internet because we live in a cave. Also, the customer service rep thought I was a man. Or maybe I thought she was a man. I can't remember. It doesn't matter. What matters is that Cody is so great and today is his half birthday!

Here's half of Cody in London

I love Cody more than I love everyone. Even Basil, who I doubt would read this blog even if he could.

But look how cute he is with Maddy!

Happy half birthday, Cody! To celebrate, I got you a free, used loveseat that was described by its previous owner as "grandma's parlor chic . . . surprisingly comfy . . . tan with earth toned birds and flowers."

I think he's going to love it.

LOOK WHAT MY PHONE DID

2009-08-01T13:01:00.008-06:00

I was going through my phone and found a few pictures that needed to either be deleted or put on this blog. Please enjoy the following, poorly lit, pixelated, shots from the past few weeks in the sweet life of Berk and Cody.

Basil. Sometimes he feels embarrassed by his purple collar.

Here I am helping Cody unpack. You might think I was resting because of my fragile condition. Not true. I've always been a great anywhere, anytime sleeper. This is little Hillgleby's room. It's a soothing green color and right now I use it as my hair, clothes and make-up room. I told Cody I want to keep it that way when little Bookcase/Sandstorm/Hat shows up and that it can sleep in our living room. He said no.

Hey, remember when Cody had mutton chops for a week? I do. Before the chops, he had a red beard and he looked like a leprechaun.

We saw this amazing bedroom set while driving and decided to buy it for Chard's wedding present. Sadly, it sold before we decide to get serious.

Here's Cody after he shaved off the chops.

Jimbo's feet. I don't remember taking this.

Yuck. Mayonnaise is gross to start with but when the label and lid are white it looks ten times grosser.

Cody put dry ice in Basil's water bowl. He was scared to drink from it for the rest of the day.

Here's Cody enjoying Macbeth. He is also good at that sleep anywhere, anytime thing.

Andy texted me this picture of my dad at the gym. The sign says, "Free, used athletic supporters." Camera phones are great because they capture the most precious moments in life. (Note-the above photo was not staged)

Rob's Home

2009-07-21T19:48:00.002-06:00

But this post isn't about him.

I want to change my hair but I want it to stay the same length, the same color and with the same amount of halfhearted waviness. What else can I do? Bangs are not the answer. Help me.

One time, in my class, this happened for real.

2009-07-20T16:45:00.011-06:00

In my Shakespeare class, we signed up for tickets to see Macbeth. Most people signed up for two. Two people signed up for only one. The following conversation took place a few days ago:

Girl (after scanning the entire class): Hey are you the one who put down that you only wanted one ticket?

Me (looking up from my Sudoku): Excuse me?

Girl (unaware that my “excuse me?” did NOT mean "I didn't hear you"): repeats the question.

Me: No.

Girl (TOTALLY EMBARRASSED!!!): Uh, like, because I thought maybe we could go together so that's why I'm asking everyone.

Me (Ha!): Right. Well, thanks for asking me first.

I love that after scanning the class, she picked me. Really, I don't blame her. I sit alone and I don’t chat with anyone before class starts. But still, I got two tickets.

The Future is Now

2009-07-15T23:34:00.010-06:00

Yes, fellows, we are now proud participants in the magical, world wide web. Comcast decided they couldn’t live without our business and we decided cheese tastes better with Netflix. Also, on the topic of high-tech new additions: on or around January 10th, round one of Hill spawn should be bursting forth at Utah Valley Hospital. You may woot.

Here’s a peek at how baby Hillgleby will most likely look in 60 years:

Isn’t he precious? I think he has my bone structure.

Goodbye Yellow Brick Wymount

2009-07-07T12:03:00.005-06:00

We've moved! It wasn't planned but then neither was our eviction. Actually, we found a really cheap apartment on craigslist so we applied and got it. Our new apartment has 6.5 foot ceilings. When we went to fill out the application, another girl there asked if she could install ceiling fans on the above mentioned 6.5 foot ceilings. So yeah, she didn't get the apartment.

You may have noticed we haven't been blogging. Our new place doesn't have free internet and we are still deciding whether or not we care enough to pay for it. Don't get me wrong, we care. But do we care enough? I don't know how much a decent internet connection costs but I do know if it's more than our monthly allotment for cheese then I choose my giant wheel of brie. Mmmm brie. Maybe if we find a good deal we'll have both.

Meet Rob

2009-06-27T18:33:00.004-06:00

My youngest brother, Wells Robison, gets home from his mission in less than two weeks. I love that he was called to Russia because he hates being cold. Actually, from the photo below, you can see he doesn't handle heat very well either. In 2005, we spent ten days in Cyprus and this is my favorite picture from the trip. Rob photoshopped in the arrows for his blog.

I told Rob I'd send him a package every month and, as of right now, I owe him 24. So yeah, I don't really want to see him unless he doesn't remember that.

You guessed it.

2009-06-18T17:42:00.012-06:00

I'm sure when you read that Cody had won amazing tickets you immediately thought of Yanni. Well, you were right. We went to see Yanni in concert last night and it was a magical journey filled with soul searching, old people and lasers. But let's start at the beginning...

Cody told me last week that there was a possibility of winning the tickets through NuSkin and we laughed and thought how fun it would be to go. A day later he won the tickets for having perfect attendance and we rejoiced. Then I googled Yanni because I knew nothing about him except that people make fun of him and he has long hair. As it turns out, that was all I needed to know.

This last one is a painting. I love it. Someday I will own it.

So we drove to Salt Lake to be serenaded by Yanni and friends. Here's Cody contemplating his destiny and driving.

Okay, seriously, what's up with the green eye shadow. Our bathroom has really low lighting. Usually, when I leave the house, I think I look really cool. Then I see pictures like this and wonder why Cody isn't embarrassed to be seen with me. I got most of it off in the car after I saw these but still. Yikes.

We were seated in the NuSkin box with tons of yummy free food, drinks and ice cream. All that and I still wanted a 9 dollar hot dog from downstairs. Cody told me if I was good he would get me a treat after the show. My treat privilege was revoked when at intermission I expressed my disappointment at Yanni's not coming down on a hook in a mermaid costume. But, lack of mermaid costume aside, Yanni did not disappoint.

These clowns were also there. Ender and Nathan both sang before Yanni appeared. Both times I asked Cody if they were Yanni and both times he said yes. As it turns out, Yanni doesn't sing. I did not know this. I kept waiting for him to sing and he never did. I guess he is famous for his piano skills and his hair growing skills.

This is not Yanni. Google image search thinks it is but this is not my Yanni.

It was a long night but we stayed for his entire, four song encore. It was kind of funny/sad when after his second encore Yanni said "What? you don't want to go home? Well, neither do we!" and he started in on encore number three. The funny/sad part was that tons of people were pouring out the doors as he said it. I'm sure he says that at every concert but he probably wasn't used to the obnoxious Mormons who leave during the closing songs of General Conference and apparently, the closing songs of everything. Sorry, Yanni, that my fellow Utahans are so lame. They were probably some of your biggest fans and yet they were so worried about traffic that they wouldn't stay 10 minutes longer to hear you play Penguin Storm (probably not the real title of his last song but I know I'm close.)

Also, look at our cute rats. Dagmar is getting really fat and we love it. Rhoda's eyes are turning red and it's scary. We play Yanni for them when we aren't home because we hear it will make them smarter. Or is that Mozart? Whatever.

Get Psyched

2009-06-16T10:24:00.003-06:00

Ahhhhh!!!!!!!! Cody is so great!!!!!!!!!! He just won the coolest tickets ever.

Happy Day 182!!!

2009-06-11T13:27:00.008-06:00

Cody and I have been married for 182 days now! Tomorrow, we will have been married for 183 days! Also, tomorrow, we will have been married for six months. Here's a look back at 'ol 12-12-08.

We're smiling because from this point on, our tuition is subsidized by the government. Happy Day!

Jenny left Maddy with us as soon as we got out of the temple. She denies it but I think she went to Wendy's and a movie.

Yay, my dress has sleeves! A week before this photo, it didn't.

Lunch. Jenny ate surprisingly little. Hmmm...

Our amazing wedding cake.

What is that amber liquid? It cooks out, right?

And now for a whole bunch of family, friends and free loaders.

I love this Cody!

Fish in German is Fisch

2009-06-08T10:51:00.007-06:00

This is the amazing Jessi. She is from Germany and last summer she came to live with my Aunt and Uncle, Stan and Emily, for the school year. Everyone loves her. Yesterday, she went back to Germany. Now we are sad. For the past two weeks, her parents have been here and this weekend, Cody went on a fishing trip with her dad, Rudi and Stan and Peter and Creigh. I had work so I couldn't go. That being the case, I'm still going to blog about it.

Cody looking rustic.

Creigh, Peter, Cody and nature

Peter, puffy coat, people's arms, date and time

Cody with some guy I've never seen before. I think he might be a pirate.

Yay! They caught stuff. Wait a second. This picture was taken on New Year's Day 2007. I mean, I'm glad they're celebrating but Cody told me he was on a mission back then. I guess I'm just sick of all the lies.

I love Cody because he licks things for me when I can't be there.